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Hampering

(Some) Rules for Cats who have a House to Run

I'm ready for some serious hampering!1. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

2. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shagpile is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

3. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

4. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following are some of the many rules for "hampering":

5. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their co-ordination skills.

6. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

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